The blog

I'm going to be keeping this blog and may/may not continue to update it. For now I've created www.journeytosee.blogspot.com which will be the new blog, with a different focus.

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The journey so far...

Please forgive my horrible typographical errors, if any, as this was done on my phone. I just wanted to let anyone who reads or has come across this blog in the past (the 5 of you that have -- just kidding) that I'm seriously considering what I want to do with this blog. I have come a long way since the very beginning of 2007 and so has this blog. During that time I've used this medium to express some deep down and emotional things within me. Over the years I've been doing this I like to think I've matured even if by .001%, and its enough to have made me reassess my beliefs. I am a born-again Christian, and enjoyed a great honeymoon with God that got me through a tough and rewarding time in my life.

Fast forward about 4 years and God is not the same for me. It was tough the next 6 years, constantly living in guilt, thinking I couldn't find God and that perhaps he had taken notice of someone with more faith, anybody or nobody. It was a shock to my system, because I wondered if things could ever be the same. I tried being devout but that was me and not God.

Yes, I know there's times when God carries all of us, but it was in the end of this "devotion" that I started looking at philosophy. What I found, most recently, actually was not that philosophy was greater than God but that I no longer wished to seek after religion like I did before. What that means for me exactly I don't know. I do know that I have found important and crucial answers to my own, particular needs through this method.

I was a philosopher before I was a Christian, but now I am simply using "philosophy" or as little of it, religion and spirituality I can to be happy. I realize, also, that I was very, very unhappy with the amount of guilt I dealt with in not "measuring up", which the Bible says we cannot do anyway. Yet we are called to try. Its a paradox, to my thinking anyway, and it strikes me as irrational to live by such an incomprehensible standard.

What I liked about believing in God so passionately and having faith was that He could be anyone and anything you needed (within common sense and according to His nature). But I don't need this. I've found that I am much more capable than I, or my religion/spirituality gave me credit for.

I want to say that I respect all faiths, and have a unique respect for Christians, however I am looking to be happy and to live with myself, in a deep way that my beliefs wouldn't allow. What's happening inside of me is complicated, though my decision is quite simple.

The kind of happiness I seek is also quite personal -- in short its been a journey, and I will walk on. Whether I will meet God more along my path, I cannot know, though my guess is yes. One other thing I will say is that once I realized the irrationality of some of my Christian beliefs/habits (I was very devout, remember) my world quite literally collapsed and I found myself in my mind in a very sunny place. If losing your faith ib God does this to everybody, I highly recommend it. I mean that only half jokingly. I firmly believe that EVERYONE has a right to follow their own path. Don't let the Church or even God tell you differently. But even if you DO choose God, be opened minded enough to exclude other faiths, for a while anyhow. And see if that works for you. But always keep an open mind when it comes to your happiness. No one is capable of making you happy. No one. Not God or people, YOU. And YOU must obtain it.

I don't pretend to have attained this happiness yet, but I am to some small degree happy, and that is both revealing and something I am immensely thankful to myself for.

For this blog, I realize how hypocritical all this probably sounds, but its where I'm at and where I have fought tooth and nail for no less than 6 years NOT to be. When you fight for that long not to go in one direction yet find yourself still and inevitably going in THAT direction, well you're only kidding yourself to think otherwise. In fact, I am now fully going in that direction. And I am happy.

That's quite selfish, you might say, but there is a time for self-ism, if you will, and these past 10 or so years have not been the greatest excercise in this. I got tired of feeling like I was to be a sacrifice under external control. It was supposed to liberate me. It didn't. This is the place I need to be in, and its here and now.

I want to thank my reader(s) for communicating with me by simply reading any or all of my work and for simply being silent (or vocal) supporters so far. I may end up getting rid of this blog or renaming it and changing its focus. I don't know yet. You can follow me on Twitter if you'd like for now, under username "carsus x" (omit quotes and space).

Your friend,

BC

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In Tongues.

I forfeited,
Followed,
By enslavement,
Now the shackles break,
And fall to the paved;
Yet I don't move,
Inaction,
Has been my own,
Self sanction,
Am I still shackled?
This is the question,
I ask,
Along the invisible,
Right path,
My task;
Yes, I am free,
Just like a trained,
Elephant tamed,
Learning the ways,
Of human grace;
What is this great, true thing,
Called "freedom"?
It is everything,
Grand possibilities,
Life, opportunities;
Falsehood and lies,
Discernable with,
Readily opened eyes,
Sacred as it may be,
Truth is attainable;
Superstition,
And religion,
Comfortable,
Easy notions,
Yield to oceans;
Yet there is static,
And there is movement,
Amidst reflection,
Cold water that will cleanse,
A face to recompense.

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Larva with Wings.

There is peace at home,
Within these walls,
Not empty,
But open;
No more guilt,
Within these walls,
A mind saved from,
Meandering;
Peace without guilt,
At home, paramount,
Something died,
To bring forth life.

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No Heroes.

Superheroes are a pun,
We cannot wait for them to come;
We must dance with the irrational,
And to ourselves be the confessionals;
We are horrible, horrible people,
With such a great burning hope;
But until we grow up,
There will be no heroes for us;
You might say that sounds glum,
But not to some;
Its good news when you find no one is there to save you,
It, you and only you, must do;
And that "it" is choose,
While awake its easier to do;
I sing a lament for my heroes,
With my harmonica I loathe;
But the loathing is for my expectations unfurled,
Broken and useless is all they ever were;
Show me a man or woman of integrity,
And I'll show you the vision of a legacy;
There are no heroes out there flying in the air so thin,
A hero is born everday, so look within.

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I am the Medicine.

I am the medicine,
I am the drug,
The only one worth taking,
My life is a panacea,
And the great sun is shining;
A glass house,
Benefits not the resident,
Much less so,
A dark, self-imposed glass prison,
I am the only medicine;
Its like a summer day,
In Malibu,
For the first time in my life,
It's like feeling warm sunshine,
That old friend I hardly knew;
We are all Samurais,
Shoguns of our lives, minds,
Loving servants,
Of ourselves,
And we are worth fighting for;
You could call me selfish,
Or you could call me selfish,
It depends on your meaning,
We are like lambs,
But certainly not weaklings;
There are those too weak to walk,
But they're assuredly strong,
We are all cripples,
Its because we know it not,
There is a hero yet to be found;
I am the medicine,
Inside me, that's my answer,
The freedom I sought,
Is finally here,
I'm caged no longer;
Like a sparrow flying,
Upon eagles' wide wings,
The heart of a lion,
Trembling but oh so strong,
I will walk further;
No one was there to rescue the boy,
And no one needed be there,
The boy is now a man,
With a mind to think,
And safer ground to stand;
A vulture's back bends,
And its wings doth spread,
In an arc upwards,
Ready to fly,
I am my best friend;
I am the medicine,
Not a saint or sacrifice,
Nor evil devil inside,
I am all,
The beginning and end of my spirit's reason;
Hello, Brad -- I greet my self at home,
I care about my house,
It's a living monument,
Encased in pillars of flesh,
Alive in the poetic;
Passion,
Pain,
Sun,
Rain,
This is life;
A glass house won't protect you,
Its comfortable but not true,
Burst the smoke glass with me,
End the darkness within,
Burn with reason, passion;
What we know now is partial and incomplete,
Now we see through a glass darkly,
Then I will know fully even as He knows me,
I am the medicine,
Mercy is my meaning.

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Kernel.

Like Linux,
It's open,
It's free to all,
Installable,
A disease,
But essentially at its core,
It stays,
Remains;
Like X-Windows,
Into the soul,
What we choose,
Is to control,
And it shows us our dirt,
But we must clear space,
We must empty our minds' preconceived notions,
And make an end with elixirs and potions;
WE must be open,
Like a GNOME,
In the forest of,
Of healing and Love,
Warm like a penguin,
Amongst the frozen,
Bubbles of falsehood and lies,
To keep our faith in mankind;
He is both open source and proprietary,
A lesson in mysterious simplicity,
We are the users who will choose,
Will we find intelligence or insanity?
Everyone has this, their paramount journey,
He calls us to count the cost of the free,
He is a strong centripetal force,
And the original open Source.

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Pankration and Flame Retardation.

Light of Salvation,
Arm me with faith,
Teach me Pankration,
How to wrestle,
Dark apparitions;
Grant me faith,
In myself,
How to see,
Down the way,
Just a bit;
Mustard,
Salt,
The fig,
Olives,
A little goes a long way;
If I am to fight,
I must have,
A fighter's constitution,
Must believe I can do this,
I have to pin my enemies;
I can timidly say,
I'm beginning to understand,
Though I walk through,
This devil-starred night
And battle-scarred, fight;
Crack goes my pelvis,
A Ladder,
I thirst for,
Faith,
I have been selfish;
Knowing Truth forever,
Is becoming,
Becoming,
Blind and feeble,
And stronger than ever;
I am losing,
And yet gaining,
So much,
I push,
And it pushes back;
I am a toddler,
That can walk taller,
Than any giant,
Heroes aren't made,
Tell me what I am;
Yellow-blue-green hues,
What I am is proof,
I am a man that's in the way,
Like Jiu-Jitsu,
I bar the false with MMA;
Pankration to the head,
Teach,
Burn,
Deep,
Lead me past my path's bends;
Who I am is a wrestler,
A DDT to the lazy,
A man who can finally breathe,
And once again I've found the leak,
And that is a cause for great joy.

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Dreaming of Egypt.

I hide behind a beacon,
Gaze out upon,
A horizon of vast skyscrapers,
Built on the backs of,
Slave labor,
The tattoo of the empire,
That my cybernetic heart,
Does revile;
I hide a phaser,
Waiting for the sentry,
To turn its laser,
Another way,
I run,
A spotlight!
Have I truly been discovered?
Has this slave met his end?
As I freeze and the oil and blood,
Within courses with bitter frost,
I realize,
That I can make a stand,
Several men surround,
One with a Muramasa blade,
As they rush at me,
I simply wait;
Time slows down,
And I close my eyes,
I am finally awake,
In a dream-like state,
Same nightmare-glitch again,
I look at my wife and thank my God,
For the freedom I have,
A man of dreams in a foreign land.

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The Beast upon Journey's Bridge.

The knights,
Of the,
White Light,
Must fight,
With all,
Their might,
The battle of,
This life;
Medieval ways,
Of twisted frays,
Piles of rope,
Cannot hope,
To control,
The man of faith,
Who, in the face,
Of fear still stays;
I have found my worth,
The enemy I fight with,
Is just my own words,
A laugh in the cool, cool wind,
A deep joy breaks forth,
Freedom's touch crests against my skin,
Wings of holy fire and a sword,
The shattering of dead gild;
The heart of justice and courage,
Is value to those who will live,
And so it is the knight who lives,
Breathing is not a choice,
But real living and breathing is,
In this a good knight can rejoice,
That he has the wings and the voice,
To tackle any beast within his skin.

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Kinesis.

They sought out the Beth,
A place,
A place,
Where Truth could be born,
There arose the best,
Guided by the Morning Star,
The place of rest;
The ghosts of the past,
Race to choke out fast,
Who will we be?
Will we turn -- flee?
Like a mound of sand,
Blown away in the wind,
No room at the warm inn;
Yet something birthed forth,
They found Bethlehem,
They found a mystery,
Given the answer,
That day He died,
The day He was born,
Behold, the King with pierced flesh.

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Salient Saline Solution.

When the drab, black veil,
Of religion,
Is taken away,
I drop my sword,
At the sight of,
The beauty of the,
The truth of the obvious,
No longer oblivious;
Always the nine,
Never the ten,
It would seem,
That perfection,
Was a lie,
No one is perfect,
We all need help,
So I will reach out;
When I stop to think,
I can again breathe,
I realize the great value,
Of a friend,
And the crsytalline gold,
Salient and so true,
Hallelujah to the Jah,
A loving spear to the heart.

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Caterpillar Wings (Penetration.)

Caterpillar Wings (Penetration.)

3/8/11:

Can You break through these walls?

Is there hope on the other side?

Because I need to be touched on the inside;

Penetrate me,

Break my shield,

Break through my defenses;

As hard as titanium,

Or adamantium,

I sometimes feel;

Living in the dark,

Because the Light can’t come in,

Yet You chip constantly at my bark;

Or perhaps the inside will break out?

No matter what,

Penetration is on my route;

As I feel the energy surge under my skin,

I begin to come to life again,

And somewhere a caterpillar spreads its wings.

Reflection.

Reflection.

3/3/11:

Everything passes away,

We are not meant to stay,

Who we were is yesterday;

There was a child,

Tender and wild,

But he grew up;

Like world lines,

Stretching across time,

Who we were is what we are;

Yet we don’t have tomorrow,

We have today,

We have now;

We must build with our minds and our hands,

What tomorrow will be,

Yet tomorrow is not guaranteed;

This world is fading,

As it will always be,

This does not change;

To everything a season,

To every man,

A soul;

The soul lives on,

While the seasons fade,

This is not a permanent stay.

Tin Man.

Tin Man.

3/3/11:

If I only had a heart,

Then I would see the Truth,

But the Truth is within me,

It always has been;

If I only had a heart,

Then I could face myself,

But I already have,

I am the Tin Man;

I am within you,

You are stronger than you know,

I Am with you,

You are stronger than you know;

My Son,

Don’t you see?

How can a man,

Lack a heart?

If I only had a heart,

But it is pierced by a spear,

It is gone and dead,

Yet it lives on in Christ;

There is no funeral pyre,

For this urgent desire,

There is only Light,

The heavenly end to the trite;

You must turn and walk the other way,

There is nothing but an empty sway,

Chicanery and falsehood night and day,

The dragon has been slain;

If I only had a heart,

I could feel the pain,

Walk through the rain,

And into Your warm embrace;

Yet there You wait,

I hear Your voice,

Suddenly the path is lighted,

It is time for this tin skin to feel again.

Mission Road.

Mission Road.

3/3/11:

So there is,

A little,

Child inside,

Me after all,

There is faith;

He has been waiting,

For the adult to,

Give him permission,

To come out of the dark,

Along the road to the mission;

There is a car waiting for me,

Ready to take me home,

But that car has been within,

The whole time,

And there is faith;

My God,

There is faith,

This is the reckoning,

Through the dark night of the soul,

In the child’s eyes a twinkling;

I am relearning,

My life burning,

It will launch,

The arrows,

Of peace’s simplicities;

This child is a friendly ghost,

A friendly ghost,

Thank You,

Holy Ghost,

You grant peace to this child and his ghost;

Along the mission road,

There are sacrifices along the way,

Some things will be lost,

And some things found,

And treasures untold;

Whoever would come after Me,

Must take up his cross,

And carry it through the sufferings,

Crucify his fears,

And come to rest with Me;

Thank You,

Shalom,

Thank You,

Shalom,

I am at rest.

Road Signs for the Blind.

Road Signs for the Blind.

2/10/11:

When I knock into myself,

I find God there,

How strange?

When I journey out onto a solitary island,

I find God there too,

Abiding in absolute Truth;

When I put my foot to the gas and race towards oblivion,

I find God there,

It’s so unfair;

When I put on my Anti-Christ armor,

I find God there also,

Does He know?

When I arm myself for the rebel resistance,

There is God,

How odd?

When the skies turn black with ash and the earth shakes,

Who is there?

A Jesus Christ signal flare;

When I choose to be aloof and turn my back,

I feel a tap,

I can’t damn myself even if I tried;

When I am seduced,

I’m not really reduced,

He guards my heart;

When I lose my sight,

And there is no more to fight,

Who do you think restores me?

When I wander into the labyrinth,

I see Holy Ghost print,

Written all over the walls;

When I hate,

There is grace,

There is Love for me;

When I fall off the vine,

Jesus drops down a line,

And grafts me back in;

I get tired of wrestling,

And give up,

It is then I become more than my burdens.

Dragonform.

Dragonform.

2/9/11:

Like an insect,

We must beat our wings,

To breathe;

Like little flies,

To become dragonflies,

We must shed our skins to survive;

We must rest in Jesus - that is true,

But the heart requires exercise,

So, the Truth must be pursued;

We crave milk,

But steak,

Awaits;

There is no day like today,

To finally be saved,

From our slothful spiritual ways;

We must don the robe of a fighter,

Take up the bow,

And brandish the seven-ringed Sword;

Let’s expose Truth’s face:

We don’t have what it takes,

We’ll lose the race;

We must count the cost,

And go into training,

Hiking up the spiritual mountain steps of understanding.

Kissing Death.

Kissing Death.

2/9/11:
Death and her cool embrace,
Show a different face,
When at last,
We end the chase;
"Take my lithe hand,
Young one.
Taste my skinless lips,
Little lad;"
The minds of men,
Cannot escape,
No, not one,
From the spiritual rape;
The only redress,
The only recourse,
The One True Course,
Is the Lamp beneath the feet;
She pulls you in and bombards,
She shells,
She carries you,
To Hell;
So, heed,
The Light,
When,
He speaks;
Like the color of sound,
It surely cannot be found,
Except by the one who,
Knows their own weakness;
We all die one way or another,
The only way to survive,
After we expire,
Is to rest in the Prince of Peace;
For Who is there,
Dying for a sinner?
For an evil generation?
So that they could have Life?
The only embrace,
Worth taking,
Is that of eternal life,
And waking;
We must choose courage,
Over inaction,
And inertia,
We must choose Life;
We will fly up above it all,
Gain peace and enthrall,
An eternity with Light,
Sadly most will miss this;
Jesus speaks to us:
"Who is there that would follow Me to the end?
Would there be just one who doesn't stray?
No, not one among them,
But where there is doubt there is grace;"
So, we need not fear our graves,
Within our hearts,
Within the ground,
Or within our doubts;
For in the darkest nights of the soul,
There comes a ray of hope,
That somehow we know,
We always find our way back home.

Selling Innocence.

To sell doves,
In the,
Marketplaces of our,
Hearts,
One must,
Only overcome,
The innocent at heart;
Abracadabra,
It must,
Be driven out,
By righteous indignation's,
Cords of Love,
Whipped clean,
Like stripes to the back;
You can find it in the Camel's eyes,
So incredibly easy to belie,
Or in the oratories of occult ostracism,
That we readily flee,
Only to be the fools of our own untruths,
We shall never have innocence,
As long as it has wings.

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Boomerang Logic.

Boomerang Logic.

1/31/11:

I thought I had it all figured out,

But I became a free-falling burnout,

And a furious one I was,

But how could I fly?

Without my eyes?

Without wings?

Wisdom eludes,

And it can’t be chased,

The path or past erased,

I need Truth,

For God’s sake,

Save this fool;

The first step is a cold one,

A terrifying shattering of your world,

But I will walk the path,

I will leave the past,

For greener grass,

And cease my boomerang logic;

I Am a Man,

But so much more,

I Am every One,

Yet I don’t concern Myself,

With ancient lore,

Just, simply, only … the Truth;

And You are the Truth,

My God,

Have I been missing it all along?

I’ve been running from this dialogue,

For so long,

Could it be that I am wrong?

It’s said that You are Love,

It’s said that You are the Originator of Wisdom,

That You would help this lad,

To understand,

Thank You because,

The fear of God is the beginning of all Wisdom;

If this is true,

I am closer to home,

With Heaven close to my breast,

A fire in my soul,

A free spirit,

And the burning of the control codes;

Straight to the sky,

I wish to fly,

Straight up high,

A vertical ride,

With wings I glide,

And feebly opening eyes.

Soul (The Prodigal.)

Note to reader: Can you figure out why I posted a black square (above) for the picture? It shouldn't be that difficult when you consider the emptiness and openness of space.

Soul (The Prodigal.)

1/30/11:

There are seasons to every soul,

But I feel like the prodigal of old,

Longing, tired and weak from running,

And longing to come back home;

I wasted my riches on whores,

Fast cars and pimp living,

I forfeited my glorious inheritance,

For some pods fed to the pigs;

I am a cripple-winged bird,

A sparrow mending its worth,

Wandering has brought,

The sparrow back to the mirror;

And it goes so deep,

Down to the marrow,

Like being caught in a bear trap,

I had to amputate;

You see there are seasons upon these souls,

That Jesus picks out to refine like gemstones,

There are burdens that only HE can unload,

And two paths diverged along the road;

When it comes down to brass tacks,

We won’t forget our barefoot tracks,

Along the beaches and in the sands,

That we are not alone;

I had to amputate,

Regulate,

Burn,

And rage like the phoenix’s flames;

When the chips are down,

When nothing’s left,

I do not drown,

I swim;

You can crucify Love,

But you can’t stop it,

I’ve got a permanent mark,

The Lion’s heart Star;

If I’m just a mortal,

Then what is this that I find?

That I am indestructible,

When faith is the bottom line?

You can’t destroy titanium so easily,

It’s a peaceful bottom line,

But one that is yours,

And one that is mine.

She Worships UFOs.

She Worships UFOs.

1/13/11:

Greed me,

Greed be,

Greed is free,

But you can’t pay its fees;

Yet it’s like worshipping UFOs,

You have to use your imagination,

To know what you can’t have,

And strive for it like clay animation;

Greed me up,

Fill me up,

So it can escape,

Through the hole that gapes;

Greed we be,

Turmoil and war,

Is the only true reward,

For our toil;

There is no hope,

Not One,

For the soul,

That runs in cowardice;

Portmanteau of fools,

Déjà vu,

It bleeds together,

Again;

Greed and fear,

Seem to be,

Fearsome monsters,

When we have our backs turned;

Greed be,

Greed is free,

But you can’t pay its fees,

But do you ask why you bleed?

The disease,

Kills us slowly,

Whatever it may be,

Ask yourself;

Ashura and Osiris,

The divine cash cows,

So goes the whirlwind,

Flee and burn the bridge;

Put on your tinfoil helmets,

Tune to the radio waves of eternity,

Because they’re coming,

The aliens know where you live.

Beast Song.

Another one from '05...
Beast Song.

11/05/05:

I see the beast,

With its gruesome lie,

It sings and snares,

The greatest and the least to die;

“Come to me,

Come and see,

Come and dance,

Come and prance;

Touch my hand,

Taste my lips,

Lust is my brand,

Now amorous drips;

Of passionate wine,

Will sustain,

Through all pain,

Through all time;”

Yet there is greater charity,

Through love and purity,

That awaits with open arm,

To keep His children safe from harm.

Useful.

Useful.

3/8/09:

Ugly,

And blemished,

Made spotless,

And useful;

Sinner,

Liar,

Fool,

Useful;

Lost,

Wanderer,

Forgetful,

Useful;

Tempestuous temper,

Uncaring,

Lazy,

Useful;

Incapable,

Paralyzed,

Handicapped,

Useful;

Hateful,

Closed off,

Shut down,

Useful;

Murderer,

Slave to sin,

Slanderer,

Useful;

Without rights,

The ability to fight,

A lack of sight,

Useful;

A fallen dove picked up,

By divinity and Love,

Is both beautiful,

And useful.

Nightmare of a Being Appearing as Light.

An older poem ....

Nightmare of a Being Appearing as Light.

10/10/08:
We don’t need to live in this hate,
Yet why does confession wait?
Inside the demons,
Hide a tainted state;
Mistreated when children,
Colored by culture or subtly defiled,
Setting this cross ablaze,
And the magma surges up so wild;
This twisted cross has begged for the innocence,
That we must realize only God can again give us,
This world is repeatedly violated,
It’s time for the hurting to come to repentance;
Violation’s origination,
Lies in the flawed imagination,
Of a fallen being who’s gotten us to see a world,
With contorted truth and reason;
We will find at the end of this comfortable course,
That in our wars,
We’re as close to our dreams,
As the grave is to a corpse;
What stands in our way is us,
We’re scarred, broken children in need of Jesus,
And so we’ll find after the grave, without Love, we were never innocent,
But instead we’ll be right back where evenness left us;
What hope does a world of seething, putrid decay have?
Perhaps a drug to destroy the enemy’s craft?
Because without relief,
We’ll be a whole missing a half;
Innocence begs from the grave to fly,
While the vultures hover over waiting for it to die,
No, innocence doesn’t defend itself,
But we cannot become children unless we try;
How can we stand in God’s way?
When we couldn’t even pay to live another day?
But all the wrongs of our objects are made right in One Man,
If what I know is a world of hate then, “Reason, come today.”

Jesus is a Nerd.

Jesus is a Nerd.

1/13/11:

I remember back in High School,

They called You a Freak,

Because You ate with all the outcasts,

Looking back nostalgically,

I think of the time You spent,

With this geek;

I remember when they wanted to,

Throw things at You,

Boy, those days were so alive,

With You by my side,

I was no less a nerd,

But I walked with a bounce in my step;

You sat with the gang members,

The slutty girls,

The Bible thumpers,

The mentally handicapped,

You ignored the mores and laws,

Of the popularity contest;

And You still do,

Everyday,

You bring me food,

When no one else will,

Whether its pizza or bread,

Or wine;

You are the best Friend a guy could have,

When will I grow up to meet You?

When will You deal with the bullies of this world?

Show them the value of the turned cheek?

When will You come back?

I suppose I’ll never know these things;

You are so much more than playground fights,

Premarital teen sex,

Prom dates,

And whatever can happen in one night,

If You did go to the Prom,

You’d wear a neon-white tux;

The bullies can’t touch You anymore,

Nor can the teachers of Your day,

Because You are greater than they,

You are the Spirit of going against the flow,

You are the King of the game of Life,

You are the end of all divides.

Like a Glove Haiku.

Three related haiku from '05.

Like a Glove Haiku.

7/1/05:

Eagle soars above,

Tokens of Love shine right through,

Eyes range through the earth;

Great Zephyr of Love,

Whisk me up into calm skies,

Grant me what I need;

Fitting as a glove,

This dichotomy departs,

Let grace touch our souls;

Mystery Brush.

From the vault ...

Mystery Brush.

5/15/07:

We are God’s mosaic,

Interwoven,

And painted,

With fate;

We are inspirations to our brothers,

Inspired by compassion,

We are doves set free,

By faith;

Splattered with colors,

Flavored with salt,

Growing anew,

God reaches out for all;

Beauty and love,

Found from remarkable sources,

Tableaus mysterious like the wind,

We are masterpieces.

Lilies.

An old poem ...

Lilies.

4/9/07:

I worked so hard,

To burn in lard,

I made the mistake,

Of trying to build a god,

When I had Jesus right here with me;

I need Jesus’ all-healing touch,

I need to surrender so much,

To be honest, I am scared,

Though One reassures,

It somehow doesn’t always help;

I long to not labor or spin,

I faint for Your touch to wash sin,

I long for my place in Your Kingdom,

Can crimson lilies be made white?

Can this nothingness be filled tonight?

A Meditation For The Troubled Mind.

This was a "meditation" I wrote when I was going through a particularly difficult part of my life. I wrote it mainly for myself, to focus on God, but I realized it could help others, so I kept it. It's really long, as far as my poems go -- more of an essay.

A Meditation For The Troubled Mind.

1/17/04:

Shout praises to the Lord,

God is just and God is great,

Thank You for Jesus,

God is just and God is great,

Thank You for Your grace,

God is just and God is great,

Hallelujah,

God is just and God is great,

He gave me death,

He gave me life,

Hallelujah,

God is just and God is great,

He gives me strength,

God is just and God is great,

You are the Holy One Who saves,

Because of You I was Healed,

Because of You I am Healed now,

Hallelujah,

God is just and God is great,

Hallelujah!

God is just and God is great.

Thank You Heavenly One for sending Your Son in my place,

God is just and God is great,

I will praise Your glory even when I’m weak,

God is just and God is great,

With a word He set forth creation,

With a breath He blew life into Adam,

God is just and God is great,

Here I am with hope before my eyes,

God is just and God is great,

I live only because of His mercy.

God is just and God is great,

I live with promise,

God is just and God is great,

I have eternal life,

God is just and God is great,

Mended by His hands,

Remade because of His simple grace,

God is just and God is great.

I lift You up,

God is just and God is great,

I sing of Your holy name,

God is just and God is great,

I meditate on Your word,

God is just and God is great,

I lift my hands to You,

God is just and God is great,

Lift my every cry to You,

God is just and God is great,

My soul to You,

God is just and God is great,

Thank You,

God is just and God is great,

Thank You,

God is just and God is great,

Thank You,

God is just and God is great.

Almighty,

Breathing life,

Good,

God is just and God is great,

Good,

Highest,

Most exalted,

Above knowledge,

Above wisdom,

God is just and God is great,

Mercy,

Love,

Undying support,

Burning brighter than any light,

Greater than day or night,

God is just and God is great,

My only hope,

Thunderous like lightning,

Your voice is like thunder,

But You were humble enough to die as a man,

God is just and God is great,

For me,

God is just and God is great.

Greater than the stars in the sky,

Greater than You or I,

God is just and God is great,

Lord of lords and King of kings,

Powerful and fierce,

God is just and God is great,

Loving garland around my neck,

God is just and God is great,

My support when I fall,

A mighty wall to lean against through it all,

Good,

God is just and God is great.

Thankful for all that You have done,

God is just and God is great,

Thankful for all that You are doing,

God is just and God is great,

Thankful for all You are going to do,

God is just and God is great,

Thank You for saving the saints,

God is just and God is great,

Thank You for counting me as one of the loved ones,

God is just and God is great,

Thank You for loving the lost,

God is just and God is great,

Thank You for an eternity with You,

God is just and God is great,

Thank You for being the God of Peace,

Thank You for being the God of Healing,

Thank You for being the God of Love,

Thank You for being God With Us,

God is just and God is great.

Your everlasting love knows no bounds,

Your undying love,

God is just and God is great,

Almighty,

Forger of life,

Amazing,

God is just and God is great,

Your son is the awesome sacrifice,

Salvation the awesome gift,

God is just and God is great,

Let me praise You,

With all my lips,

With all my body,

Let me praise You,

With all my Heart,

Let me praise You,

God is just and God is great,

Wrestled with Jacob,

Made him into Israel,

Your kingdom lasts forever,

God is just and God is great,

Preserved Daniel from the mouth of the lion,

God is just and God is great.

A love that outlasts centuries,

A touch that outlasts great pain,

God is just and God is great,

Jesus Christ,

God is just and God is great,

Giving us something more than fallen man to follow,

Your love is there,

God is just and God is great,

Sing praises to the Lord,

God is just and God is great,

Loving,

Tender,

Mercy,

Unfaltering,

You did not change,

Though I changed a thousand times,

God is just and God is great,

A humble man,

I come to You,

Not having anything,

God is just and God is great.

Wonderful,

Heaven’s throne,

God is just and God is great,

The sun breaks free from the clouds,

God is just and God is great,

You are the One of renown and glory,

God is just and God is great,

Unbroken Stone,

God is just and God is great,

Grasping shafts of light,

For they are my life,

God is just and God is great,

Riding the open waves,

God is just and God is great,

Unbroken Stone,

With my feet on the ground,

I fly away,

With hope racing through my lungs,

I lift my hands to the sky,

God is just and God is great.

I have life!

Hallelujah!

What I have is more precious than any jewel,

God is just and God is great,

Compassion and strength,

God is just and God is great,

Warmth tugs at my Heart,

God is just and God is great.

You hate injustice,

And You can see man for who He is,

God is just and God is great,

I am miniscule when compared to You,

God is just and God is great,

I give thanks to You,

God is just and God is great,

I give thanks to You,

God is just and God is great,

I give thanks to You,

God is just and God is great,

Wine stained bread,

God is just and God is great,

I will praise Your glory,

God is just and God is great,

I see an image of the blue canopy,

Of the stars up high,

God is just and God is great.

God is just and God is great,

God is just and God is great,

God is just and God is great,

God is just and God is great.

Moth.

Here's one from the archives.

Moth.

6/6/07:

Shadows loom,

If I were to claim,

The sun not a boon,

Quick I would be shamed;

Refraction won’t help,

This dark room burns black,

Set off like a match,

And I’ll never have you back;

Flares invisible so hauntingly,

I leapt so far off the Son,

Will Its magnanimous gravity,

Chance me a graceful dance for mercy?

Light through a kaleidoscope belies true hope,

Watching flames give birth,

The light rays show us dirt,

But they also show worth.

Street Operative.

Street Operative.

1/13/11:

Walking the streets tonight,

Looking for a fight;

I have a purpose,

Though I keep forgetting this;

My soul knows there is something,

Higher than this Earthly churning;

If life were aquiline, if found,

Then living would be skyward bound;

Where did I think I could go?

To be safe from the Road?

Like flipping a furnace switch,

This is what I’ve missed;

When emerging from the icy-frothed cave,

A blizzard greets me amidst the haze;

I’ve discovered something greater,

It’s what I’m here for;

This discovery, like man inventing fire,

Burns brightly from these fists -- cleansing the muck and mire;

I write from a place of sunlight,

It cracks the earth, the skies;

From Bombay to Santa Fe,

From China to Australia whether night or day;

Like bullets flying,

One will hit me;

There is no escape,

From the Way;

Even if you wore Kevlar today,

You could not escape His deadly face;

And it kills,

And it kills the stubborn will;

Energy in the fists,

Flying up past the wrists;

The mere thought crushes a Man,

But who are we to fight God’s plan with shoryukens?

I have a purpose,

Hallelujah cries, heavenward;

So let’s all sing the hymns,

Of the freedom found in this;

I have a purpose,

We are not alone.

Tell Me, Peter.

Tell Me, Peter.

1/13/11:

Tell Me, Peter,

Who do you say that I Am?

Do you see your Savior?

Or simply a man dying for a crime?

Who am I to you?

Tell Me, Peter,

Will you walk with Me?

Led by the hand?

To where you don’t want to go?

Is your faith for real or for show?

There will be lions lurking,

Prowling about,

They seek to devour faith,

The purest of souls to hurt,

Tell Me, Peter;

Will you continue to deny,

The miracle dancing before your eyes?

I want to hear,

I want to see,

I want to feel your love forever;

I have always sought you out, Peter,

On this rock I have built a Church,

I Love you, Peter,

Who am I to you?

Tell Me, My rock;

It is not for Me that I ask these questions,

But for the Church burning in your spirit,

Longing to be free,

You will not break, crack nor crumble,

So long as you believe;

And I Am many things to my people,

I will be what I will be,

But until the skies become thundery,

You can hold My death close to your hearts,

Or part ways with Me;

You have many paths of spiritual journeying,

But only One that leads to Truth and peace,

Tell Me, follower,

Do you Love Me more than these?

Shall I ask again?

Feed My sheep,

Care for them,

For I will lay your soul down to sleep,

And you will inherit a fortune of peace everlasting.

Reverberations of the Saints.

Merry Christmas! 2010 is almost gone, hard to believe. Here are my latest scribblings...

Reverberations of the Saints.

12/25/10:

The Virus that makes all of us,

Lives inside burning like acid,

It binds to the soul’s core,

Destroying unhealthy tissues,

Of the chaos and turmoil,

Of this world evermore;

At the heart I am what You are,

I come barren and naked,

Bleeding and wet with tears,

Alabaster,

Preparing this world for burial,

And the rising of the Son;

Strength in high doses,

He brings to our dirty bodies,

The sheer filth of the world,

Cannot compare to,

The smallest dose of Strength,

We are a world of frailty;

Fall out befalls the wise,

The fool like a lizard,

Shows up in the most opulent,

The great un-equalizer,

Becomes the secret of,

Great women and men;

But this Virus I convey,

That I breathe in your face,

Cannot be so easily taken,

Vibrant Melody,

Tell me what’s the solution,

When barrenness befalls you?

Zen undertakings,

And pushing,

Lack of striving,

Striving to run from,

Are not so placid,

To save from the acid;

Holy indignation can drive,

And burn up the core of,

A man’s soul-life,

It can empower,

And cripple;

Faith in nothing,

Is still faith my friend,

And faith in God or gods,

Is still religion,

Not spiritual thinking,

Crippled but not lost;

There is a place with no shackles,

A place that exists spiritual,

In the heart of a child,

I am at home with my Virus,

Why run?

Why run?